3 GOALS IN 5 MINUTES

We started the day feeling refreshed from our spa day at the sava. Shauny was up early keen to get going on the walking tour and soak up the cultural sights of Belgrade, who were we to stop him, he didn’t even want to wait for the newly instated pilates classes.

We headed to the square to check in for the walking tour which started 30mins before we arrived, standard. Patrick Allen showed his tour virginity by asking a question, you could see the anger rise in Shauny G, but as quickly as it came it subsided as his thoughts drifted to a quinoa salad for lunch.

It took us 14 tours but we finally found the gold standard of walking tours. Within the first 5 minutes our host had spotted P Allen and had bonded over their joint passion for dick pics, at this moment Shauny G felt something deep inside his soul stir, would this be the first walking tour to keep him until the end, many had tried, but none succeeded, this would be truly tested when the Somersby flag flew high in the old fort like an army calling its troops to battle.

Due to the mandated educational nature written into the Jimbotours articles of memorandum, it is my duty to deliver the highlights of the tour. Serbia has been at the centre of too much conflict, with the city of Belgrade being besieged the most times in the history of humanity, there are several persons of historical significance and the Serbians place them in order of importance depending on their link to potatoes and beer the likes of Tesla and the man who brought political enlightenment to the country bringing up the rear. The cobbled streets of the bohemian area plays host to a local tradition of watching large groups of women breaking their ankles in their high heel shoes whilst their boyfriends go on ahead to make sure they have a beer in hand and a prime viewing position for the evening’s entertainment. We also learnt that if you saw a man walking down the street with a ripped shirt he had been attacked by his friends for becoming a new father, a sign of celebration, how very Serbian. Hopeful of a particular result in a certain football game, P Allens Hawaiian shirt looked like it wouldn’t survive the night and he couldn’t be more happy about it.

A flyby of the ? Katana delivers an unwritten invitation to the 200yr anniversary celebration in 2023, but as our regular readers will know, we never go back, so they’ll be no Finger Spoof (T M pending) at those celebrations. 

The tour ended at exactly 2 hours, the group turned and there with an ethereal glow standing strong was Shauny G, shoulder to shoulder with them, a tour of firsts indeed, what next, a pork knuckle replaced by a Caesar salad? I jest.

The call to arms was strong now and the Somersby flag was flying high, the perfect first beverage overlooking war island, all was well, but an expensive and slow beer would never keep hold of JT for long so off we went in search of an elephant in a tree but not even a white Russian could calm tour virgin P Allen, he was agitated as he stood there, bathed in the rainbow colours of the Belgradian savannah giant. A quick word with our host and he was on his way to his new spiritual home, Funk and Soul, with his heart full of hope the only way he wanted to leave there would be with a torn shirt on his back. The rest of the team joined an even more nervous man not long after.

94 minutes, 22 chicken wings, 5 BBQ ribs, 4 burgers and a chicken salad later we were heart broken, we had missed out on winning £20k and an impromptu trip to Montenegro, but if the truth be told Patrick Allen would have traded all of those chicken wings not to witness 3 goals in 5 minutes.

With his shirt intact but his spirit torn, there was only one thing for it, a 1 litre jug of long island ice tea and several rounds of A Grade Finger Spoof (TM pending) served with a curve ball Pina Colada for wee Stevie and a few trips through the turnstile to meet the man who cupped his balls.

With our belly’s full of alcohol we returned to the hostel, musical entertainment had been booked by the young travellers and Jimbotours never misses a booking. A tough crowd of 18 yr old Tik Tokkers were finally won over by a flawless Oasis classic, our work here was done, well nearly, beyond the political ramblings around the Russian Ukraine conflict, there was still advice that needed to be bestowed on the new generation from these veterans, words of wisdom that underpinned the essence of the movement that had become Jimbotours, our fearless leader bellowed “GET OFF TIK TOK AND LIVE FOR THE FUCKING MOMENT” the echoes rippled through the foundations of the city, a shocked 18 year old Japanese boy looked up towards JD, phone in hand and as the echoes faded a quiet Japanese voice appeared, “I was just texting my mum”. We don’t deal in specifics on Jimbotours, only concepts, hopefully the young Japanese lad took something away from his early morning with these behemoths of travel, maybe a new love of a band from Manchester or maybe a moment of reflection next time he texts his mum, that he really should be living for the moment. Whatever he takes from that night, we know that he will take it with him forever, that is the impact of Jimbotours, we don’t do it for ourselves, we do it for the one’s we, helping them on their path of enlightenment.

The morning would come, the White City would call once again, but not for these travellers, it was time to depart, to never look back, only forwards, only to JT15 and only with the thought of who will be there once again to educate the ones we meet, tour virgin P Allen takes away with him a new life experience as well as man of the tour, so powerful are these gifts  that 3 goals in 5 minutes fade gently away into the ether.

So long Belgrade, you started at 6.8 but definitely ended on a 10.